Ha, Ha, Ha; It’s Time For Santa Claws

Santa Claws

Another crazy year in the state’s largest city and just in time because a lot of us are out of breath. Snow storm after snow storm, an elected school board that said we’re outta here, replaced by a state-appointed body, a Democratic mayoral primary that was on, then off, then on again. After a year like this Santa must spread love, goodwill, peace on earth to all our favorite city pols and city officials. OIB correspondent Jim Callahan helped OIB track down Santa for a stocking-stuffer exclusive:

City Council: an all-expenses-paid fact-finding mission to Yale University sponsored by the New England Journal of Medicine to determine once and for all which members are brain dead or merely in a persistent vegetative state. (We’re open to suggestions.)

City Councilman Bob Curwen: his old job back at DiNardo Enterprises, after the city job he had, that he said he really didn’t have, didn’t work out. What’s that, it already happened? Added stocking-stuffer bonus for Curwen: a shot of truth serum.

Police Chief Joe Gaudett and Fire Chief Brian Rooney: collect their pensions while remaining on the job. Oh, that already happened too!

Councilwoman Lydia Martinez: an official certificate of the Superior Court notifying Lydia of her outstanding contributions to the electoral process in the City of Bridgeport, with all the appropriate signatures, etc. No absentee ballot required.

Former City Councilman Bob “Troll” Walsh: a blood transfusion from Mr. Rogers. “It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood …”

City Council President Tom McCarthy: a Blackberry to return OIB phone calls.

Santa Ayala: unanimous endorsement by the Democratic Town Committee for a new term as Democratic Registrar of Voters. Some historic community assets must be preserved at all costs.

Democratic Town Chair Mario Testa: Steven Tyler to wake him from his afternoon siesta. (There’s a screamy thought.)

Interim Superintendent of Schools Paul Vallas: anything he wants.

Vallas’ chief assistant Sandra Kase: anything she wants.

Mayor Bill Finch and Trumbull First Selectman Tim Herbst: peace pipes.

Former State Rep. Chris “Big Wave” Caruso: a legal name change by Probate Judge Paul Ganim to the “Big Wage.”

Mary-Jane Foster’s Campaign Manager Jason Bartlett: a cash infusion to pay all the campaign hands he stiffed.

Let us know whom we missed!



  1. *** According to the OIB Chinese calendar this was the year of the “rubber stamp,” next year will be the day of the “groundhog!” So let’s celebrate the new year by giving the Mayor the power to okay up to a 15% raise across the board for all non-union workers to start the year off, no? *** What’s in your wallets? ***

  2. This is a great way to get ready for the new year. The council again screws the taxpaying public. These 20 people have no shame, no morals and most of all no balls. There is not one of these council people with a conscience.
    Let’s take a brief look:
    The mayor and the council are already rewarding the political ass-kissers.
    Press secretary Ficarra gets a giant raise because she was overqualified for the job of press secretary. Well you should not have taken the job but I guess you couldn’t get a job in private industry.
    Alana got rehired to a do-nothing job, I guess it runs in the family.
    Ruben gets a giant raise and the added responsibility of watching out for the Seaview Ave corridor and the GE demolition. First off the corridor is a pipe dream and will not happen and what’s he going to do with GE, count the bricks?
    The rest of the giant raises including police and fire chiefs are a DISGRACE.
    The council voted for them and will do so in the future because they are afraid of the mayor and not a single one gives a shit about the lower-tiered employee or the taxpayers.
    The lower-tiered employees must feel great, the gave up a week’s pay, they took on more payout for medical benefits two years in a row.
    Hey McCarthy, get your hands out of my pockets. You and Osborne get gigantic raises and we even created a new position of labor lawyer. This office that now has 5 people is costing us over $400K not counting benefits. BTW when was the last time they actually negotiated a contract? May you all rot in hell!!!

  3. Some dumb bastard from Black Rock put a four-foot alligator in Ash Creek, and its been hanging around under the Grassmere Bridge for the past few days. People are feeding it raw chicken.

  4. How did Lisa Miro go from a $40K job to one that now pays $86K and comes with a driver/bodyguard? Guess who the driver/bodyguard is? Your first two guesses don’t count. Gene O’Neal who has been on the city payroll since the last super.

  5. town committee if you could do what she can do they will double your pension and have Gene drive you around. Remember, the sultan always had the eunuchs guard his harem.

  6. Story today is Coble has been fired. What’s the reason for this firing? The last I heard, Coble lived in Shelton. I also read Scinto Jr. was fired. That’s sure to piss Dennis Scinto off. Finally Art Harris is said to be on the chopping block. Wasn’t his job the one Curwen was supposed to get a while back but Harris came back to work after his sick leave was done or he recovered? The big question is will Curwen now be hired for the job if Harris is fired?

  7. No, Charlie Carroll will get those three jobs. He is now of West Indian descent which requires him to have 26 jobs mon, he be workin’ ’round the clock mon, he know everything and how to do everything mon.


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