Fire up the oligarchy. Claiming Bridgeport’s legendary conflicts of interest don’t run nearly deep enough, entrepreneur, attorney and former Bridgeport schoolteacher Jonathan Kantrowitz has launched a faux entry into the mayoral race. The two-time Democratic Congressional candidate breaks down his mayoral platform: no tax collection, support for deadbeat dads and tax cheats, complete corporate control of schools, solar panels in every park, Rolls-Royces for cronies and ignoring freedom of information requests. Sound familiar? What the heck, with no formal candidates challenging Mayor Bill Finch yet we gotta have some fun. From Kantrowitz’s twisted mind:
I am declaring my candidacy for Mayor of Bridgeport. My platform is as follows:
Property Taxes
Mayor Finch’s promise of a $600 rebate for every taxpayer sets an example that I admire, even though he had no legal authority or financial ability to make that actually happen. However, he did not go far enough. I am promising every Bridgeport taxpayer a $6,000 refund on all property taxes paid over the last 10 years. Moreover, I will appoint the least qualified Tax Collector I can find, to assure that no one who doesn’t want to pay their taxes will ever have to, especially those who contribute to my campaign. in addition, I will only support candidates for other offices who owe significant back taxes to the City of Bridgeport, and/or child support payments.
Political Reform
Although Mayor Finch has done an admirable job of controlling the City Council with city employees, etc., I do not believe he has gone far enough in assuring a complete conflict of interest. Therefore, just as he attempted to take over the Board of Education by making it non-elective and mayoral appointed, I will move to make the City Council non-elective and mayoral appointed. In addition, I will continue Mayor Finch’s policy of refusing to appoint any new members to City committees and commissions, assuring that the entire city will be run by people whose terms have expired.
Education Reform
Mayor Finch has continually underfunded Bridgeport Public Schools while encouraging the diversion of funds to charter schools. This is an outstanding effort as was his effort to take over the Board of Education by making it non-elective and mayoral appointed. I propose to eliminate all issues of public-school funding and an independent Board of Education by turning the entire school system over to corporate “education reformers” and their charter schools, where anyone can serve as principal or teaching staff despite their lack of credentials and criminal background.
Green Power
Mayor Finch’s proposal to cover the landfill at Seaside Park with unattractive solar collectors was impressive, but did not go far enough. I propose covering all of Seaside Park, Beardsley Park, Pleasure Beach and Captain’s Cove with these wonderful devices.
Economic Development
I model my proposals here largely on the efforts of an earlier mayor. I have already negotiated the addition of several fine stores to the Bridgeport landscape, including a high-end wine store, and luxury clothing store specializing in ties, and the finest cigar store in the world. In addition to the direct benefit I have received from these stores, I have assured each establishment of financial success as local developers, office seekers, etc. will visit their stores regularly to buy me presents. I am working with a Rolls-Royce dealership as well, as I and my cronies will need new city-issued vehicles and we will want to shop locally.
Government Transparency
No good can come of government transparency. I will continue and expand Mayor Finch’s policy of obfuscating budget details, delaying or avoiding completing financial reporting requirements, and ignoring Freedom Of Information requests. I believe this will lead to far greater government efficiency. Time will tell.
Residency
While I am not a current resident of Bridgeport, I have made arrangements with a local diner to sleep in a storeroom overnight while maintaining my real residence in Fairfield. This is in keeping with a long tradition in Bridgeport, but in the future I would like to see all residency requirements eliminated, as many of our political leaders already see no point in them.
Town/Gown Relations
Mayor Finch’s efforts to ignore the University of Bridgeport are commendable, but do not go nearly far enough. If elected I will sever all city ties with UB, Sacred Heart, Fairfield U, Housatonic Community College and St. Vincent’s College of Nursing. I will do nothing to change Mayor Finch’s approach towards Sacred Heart destroying the North End neighborhood, however. Let them do whatever they want!
Mr. Kantrowitz! Very good. Thank you!
I have no doubt your visionary proposals would definitely help Bridgeport become even better every second of every day.
In your next update, please let us know how you will reinforce and extend the following important signature policy achievements under the Finch Administration:
(A) Delaying the Bridgeport revaluation through 2039.
(B) Appealing the Wheelabrator case to the State Supreme Court, and, then if we lose that, to the U.S. Supreme Court.
(C) Working with the educational visionaries in Hartford and Greenwich to ensure Rev Moales’ daycare gets most if not all of the state contracts.
(D) Appointing felons on sex-offender lists to the Ethics Commission.
(E) Encouraging stipends for the City Council members to be used to pad the coffers of politically active not-for-profits around election season.
(F) Building on the City Council’s impressive spree of giving multi-decade tax abatements to millionaire outside developers.
(G) Awarding inflated contracts to out-of-town developers to install major works projects on their own property outside the city of Bridgeport.
(H) Having spokespeople for every city department and every spokesperson already on the books.
Much appreciated!
Mr. Kantrowitz, I have been a fan of yours for some time, however I am now a “die-hard” fan. I grinned from ear to ear as I read this. Absolutely on point.
Pete Spain, your additions are also on point!
Mr. Kantrowitz is also well known for his position as Vice Chair for the Connecticut for Lieberman Party–and something to do with the Kiss Float.
www .newhavenindependent.org/index.php/archives/entry/lieberman_party_hijackers_win_hojo_skirmish/
Jonathan, lol. Great stuff!
Mr. Kantrowitz,
You have been a regular observer of the Bridgeport scene. You have found much humor (absurdity) in our current circumstances and have demonstrated it by stretching the observations.
However, I am surprised you found nothing of value to target in Bridgeport’s Green goals. You would think Bridgeport is alone in its pursuit of sustainability, however Fairfield will also be getting such an award On April 1, 2015 when Live Green Connecticut!! meets at the Fairfield Theatre Company at 2 P.M.
Jonathan, if elected will you have a P.R. communicator in every department? I mean, people are so used to things getting better daily, won’t they need equal or increased promotion of all the good things? If asked about jobs, why not return the political and video consultants to the land of steady habits and have a YouTube moment with JK every day? Why leave your downtown developers telling only half of a story. Go the whole way.
Finally do you have any prediction of what the Mayor will do with his 2015 campaign fund when he realizes you have such a powerful platform right out of the gate that he can never hope to recover? Where will he spend the money? Perhaps he can find a bargain property owned by the City, buy it in his spouse’s name, apply for some special business enterprise funding, maybe even negotiate for an abatement and see how well he will do in the private economy. Time will tell.
Lorenzo Sunflower has been an official communicator for many Connecticut politicians in the past, and may be willing to provide his expertise. If Kantrowitz also wants Michael Moore’s ficus tree, he has the number.
www .myleftnutmeg.com/diary/9931/
www .myleftnutmeg.com/diary/2902/lorenzo-sunflower-interviews-john-edwards