“I Didn’t Plead The Fifth, I Drank It”

The late grate (sic) lawyer Joe Mirsky often amused “I didn’t take the fifth, I drank it.”

It’s highly possible that Joe invented day time drinking. Nothing like adequate fluid ounces to turbo the day.

Joe packed a pretty good punch in more ways than one. Joe brawled in courtrooms and barrooms. He had so many clients in state court that the judges used to say we don’t set the court calendar, Joe does.

Joe’s voice was a throaty dry tuna followed by a hard-boiled egg. Joe loved to tip spirits, but he was a mighty generous tipper as well.

As a young freelance reporter circa 1981, broke and hustling stories, Mirsk (as so many called him) was an amazing source of information, if he liked you. I was one of the lucky ones. One day Joe had cut another favorable plea deal on behalf of a client.

I rode the elevator with Mirsk in the Main Street courthouse. I hadn’t a penny in my pocket. “Mirsk, can I borrow $10?” I asked sheepishly.

“Sure,” he said, digging into his pocket, pulling out a wad of cash, he produced a $100 bill.

“Mirsk, just $10 will do. Thanks.”

“Take the money you guinea bastard or I’ll knock you on your ass.”

It had occurred to me that Joe might just do that. It was better to hold for the first time in my life a $100 bill.

This election cycle is enough to cause much day time drinking with a fifth of this and that.

On Friday, accompanied by their wise lawyer John Gulash, two political operatives asserted their Fifth Amendment rights against self-incrimination when asked under oath if they were responsible for placing absentee ballots in a drop box. This Democratic primary challenge is a civil procedure and for sure one of the reasons this protection was ratified was to limit government abuse.

The last thing Gulash wants on behalf of his clients is exacerbating a sticky situation, especially with possible criminal sanctions.

At times like these Sergeant Schultz is your friend.

And, who knows, maybe a bunch more will take that advice.